The Prom Chronicles

After observing prom, staffers reflect on student behavior.

by Christopher Snow and Emily Durkin

 Couple One: The Modest

To heck with overspending on prom, this group was just in it for the fun. Apart from borrowing a relative’s dress, or tux, very little preparation went into their night under the stars. The only thing on their mind was fun and food. If they decided to go out to eat together, they just cruised their way to any casual eatery and chatted amongst themselves over a tasty and cheap burger. Greasy pizza or Mickey D’s, it didn’t matter – as long they were together.

After rolling out of his bed right before the dinner, the dude of the couple may or may not have even washed himself before picking up his date. Why would you shower if you are just going to smell like crap at all-night-prom anyway?  The lady did her own hair and makeup, as if it were a normal day. They have always been nothing if not practical.

The Modest couple arrived at prom on time in their parent’s car, or cars (if they felt like just meeting at the doors), decked out with some crazy custom air fresheners. They live by a simple philosophy they came up with while watching a VHS rather renting at Redbox: “Honestly, no one needs to spend more than the minimum for prom, besides, the night is meant for having fun with all of your friends.”

Couple Two: The Average

Well, it was prom, so they might as well be traditional and try to have a good time. Her dress was purchased for about $120, minimum sparkles. His tux, along with vest, came to a total of about $150. For the whole evening, the man, (he calls himself a man), felt uncomfortable wearing this stupid monkey suit, and his date wouldn’t shut up about how much fun their night together was going to be.

She devoted the latter half of her morning to getting ready. She went to a local salon and got her hair, makeup and nails done by her aunt. He moved with the motivation and speed of a sloth to get ready; putting up a fight while his mother told him how handsome he looked.

He picked her up in the old Mustang he borrowed from his uncle. They both despise getting their picture taken, but their mothers insisted on making “wonderful memories.” Their journey to Olive Garden was filled with soup, salad and breadsticks along with some Chicken Fettuccini Alfredo. . . with water.

Couple Three: The Extreme

This was one extravagant couple. Her dress was from Genealogy, a Sherri Hill dress coming to about $930. She purchased a pair of gold pumps for $100 that were totally rockin’. He bought himself a new tux from Men’s Warehouse for $700.  Why would he rent it anyway? He is better than that. His wallet was weighing down his yacht pants anyway, so he just went ahead and bought it himself. He decided he’s gonna like the way he looks, and his money guarantees it.

Not only did they spend their entire day of prom getting ready, but weeks prior had been devoted. Both had been tanning for at least three months. Her nails had been painted and her hair had been dyed. She had an assortment of jewelry chosen to go with her flawlessly fitted dress, and her makeup was so perfectly (and expensively) done that she just knew all those other haughty girls at school will bow before her… Mr. Moneypants slicked his hair back, plucked his nose clean of any stray hairs, and straightened his bowtie after he was fully dressed to the nines.

For dinner they went to Pachamamas, where the walls are lined with wine bottles. No meals were shared and no one settled for just water. He picked up the check, because he is, despite all the glitz, a gentleman. This group rented a limo, because they were aware that there is no better way to arrive at prom. Forget the cost per hour, they painted the town until the 8 o’clock hour hit and the prom doors opened. They proudly walked the red carpet, and their mothers were there, snapping photos the entire way.